Boston Loses It

Neither rain nor sleet nor snow nor dark of night will keep your friendly Skewed staff from posting a new update - unless of course the power goes out. In a related story, we're still hammering out the details on those carrier pigeons - so stay turned.

Two Poindexters were arrested today in Boston on the charge of being mind-numbingly stupid. In an incredibly botched publicity stunt for Turner Broadcasting - they erected neon signs on bridges, overpasses, and near mass transit stations without telling anyone they were going to do it. On paper, this idea seems great. You have another stupid cartoon to push for Adult Swim (whose only use thus far is showing old reruns of Family Guy... back when it was still funny), and you need a way to get more viewers but you can't bother to make a decently witty cartoon. What better idea than the old fashioned marketing gimmick of putting up random neon box shaped signs giving the finger to passersby in the attempt that they will somehow, through the use of ESP, connect your finger flipping sign with Aqua Teen Hunger Force and still decide to bother watching it. Like I said, on paper, this seems like crackerjack material.

Boston, upon noticing the signs this morning, immediately went from "all is calm" to "EVERYBODY PANIC!" in all of about 15 seconds. The bomb squad was dispatched to the location of these signs - and for hours worked tediously to dismantle about a bakers' dozen worth of neon signs. The Mayor threw a fit, the chief of police had strong words, and Kenny, the guy who sells hot dogs down the street, was throughly pissed - according to unnamed sources.

The city was last seen kicking and screaming on the floor, crying and wanting its "blanky" back.

I can't defend these two geniuses - whose primary defense while being questioned by reporters was to discuss various hair styles. But at the same time, I have to say that the level of freak out in this country is ridiculous. They were neon signs. I would think that if your local Islamic terrorist wanted to do you harm - the last thing you would see is a neon sign - in fact, you probably wouldn't see it coming until it was far too late - that's just their style. It just goes to show that a Post 9/11 America is filled with overweight, paranoid, materialistic, xenophobic, lunatics that are so easily manipulated by a fear mongering White House and a ratings starved media that even a neon sign of a box flipping you off is enough to cause a nationwide panic.

Just to sum up - Boston had a hissy fit over Lite-Brites. Yes, Lite-Brites. Childhood toy or weapon of terror? We skew, you decide.

And of course, by writing about these two Darwin Awards - I've given them yet more press than they ever deserved; the classic catch 22. So while we're giving shallow attention whores unmerited recognition - I might as well add that the girl made famous by wearing a "F**k Da Eagles" shirt during the playoffs and showing that shirt on national television (FCC on line 3) won a spread in Maxim. That's right, in one quick turn she went from "that girl with the obscene shirt" to "Maxim material" - daddy must be so proud. And another woman came up with a brilliant way to go to the Super Bowl while making thousands of dollars. She literally sold herself on eBay: offering her body as eye candy on the arm of the "lucky winner" in exchange for a free Super Bowl ticket. The good news is that eBay - realizing that the stunt was less than kosher - shut down the auction (but only after the bidding exceeded $1,800). The bad news is that shortly thereafter, she won a massive, multi-million dollar corporate ad campaign because of the attention the auction generated - and she still gets to go to the Super Bowl for free.

This just in - life is still unfair. Film at 11.